she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
