I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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