Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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