So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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