Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
