a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
