Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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