mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
