i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
