im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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