i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
