Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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