I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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