it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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