did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
did i just pee glitter
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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