this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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