well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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