I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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