I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You ruined the universe
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
