I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I understand Curling. That high.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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