I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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