Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
