They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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