Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
