just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
