I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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