New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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