everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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