We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What drink are we having for lunch?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
