Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
