She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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