I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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