So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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