omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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