Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
