ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
