My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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