Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
