walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
