She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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