No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
