He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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