There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
