maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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