I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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