I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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