so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
