Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
