She is in my trunk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic