I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever