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Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
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