They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
