If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
