I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
