i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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