3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
