I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
