I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize