I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
