Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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