whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
