if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Those nachos came to me in a dream
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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