I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
NoShamevember. You game?
i've created a new STD.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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