as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
