Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
