when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
