"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
