Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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