$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
