I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize