So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
