yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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