My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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