im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
being pregnant is like rehab
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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