In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
